My friend hates Valentine’s day. “I don’t hate it because I’m alone and single.” she said, “I hate it because people with lovers on this day will rob it on our faces.” She tells me: “Everything all of a sudden change because it’s Valentine. Even people with no love pretends to be lovely. The news shift. Social media shifts its focus to Val’s day. You go to church and the pastor also robs it in all because it’s valentine.”
She sounds jealous, doesn’t she?
Val’s day is a day to show love, I believe. But lovers have decided to own it. As if it’s a day for people who are in relationship or some sort to show care—to show they are capable of loving. But you are single so you feel left out.
Like I’ve said before, to be single isn’t as bad as people make it looks, especially on a Val’s day like this. There are so many reasons to be single. It only feels bad when you actually want to be loved desperately but there is no one to give you such love. If you’re one of those, then Val’s day really robs on your face.
You will be single for some of these reasons;
#1. You’ve built defenses around you that it’s difficult for people to reach out to you. You are not ready to meet new people. You don’t go out where there is some sort of social gatherings. You prefer to stay in the house and watch TV then to step out to be seen. Attitude like that keeps you in your own world that’s separated from the world that we all know, the world of people.
#2. You judge everything and everyone. No one seems to escape from your all-round judging eyes. Everything is wrong with people but it’s alright when you do it. People are sensitive. People don’t want to be judged especially by people they are close to and love. You judge people so people don’t present themselves to you so you judge them. You will be alone. On judgement day, maybe, God might need your help since you are that good at it.
#3. You haven’t had the best of history when it comes to relationships. People you’ve loved. People you gave your all to let you down when you least expected it. You’ve cried a lot in relationships than you’ve smiled and in cheers. All these situations have made you pulled the breaks on this thing called love until further notice.
#4. Low self-esteem is locking you away from being in love and being with people who love you. When you’ve had series of relationship breakdowns, it’s easier to question yourself worth. Sometimes you take the blame. You even think there might be something wrong with you that pushes people away after they’ve come close to know you. Your confidence in your own self is nil so you tell yourself: “nobody loves someone like me. I better be single than to be broken into pieces.”
#5. You’ve built a class around you. You only move with people of some certain class. If people who approach you for relationships don’t fall in your class of things, you don’t flow with them. Maybe you haven’t actually classified the people you will like to date but your posture tells a story of certain class. People don’t approach you for the fear that they don’t fall into the class of people you might want to date.
#6. It’s a choice you’ve made be single. You have a reason not to date or you simply don’t see yourself as ready to engage anyone in a relationship. You know yourself. Or you’ve given yourself sometime to achieve somethings before you finally decide to settle with someone. You are single today not because no one wants to date you. But because singleness is a gift you’ve given to yourself.
#7. You are yet to meet that person who will sweep you off your feet and make you fall in love. You’ve had the chance to meet other people but none impresses you to be in a relationship with them. You are yet to feel that aura that makes people fall in love. It’s mostly an intuition. You know deep somewhere within you that when that person finally comes along, you’ll see and feel it. You haven’t yet seen that, so you’ve decided to remain single until it happens finally.
#8. The kind of people you fall for are already attached or have something going in their lives that makes it impossible to date them. They look cool. They tick all the box of your fantasies but they are simple not available to respond to your romantic needs. So, you pull the breaks and you wait till another day to fall again—in love.
#9. You might be single today due to the way you’ve handle your previous relationships. You’ve had love but you might have blown it away with your infidelity. You’ve had somebody to love but you might have pushed them away with your temperament. Good men came your way but you put them on hold because you were with that guy who saw nothing good in you. Now that you are available, the good guy is also attached. You feel lonely today, I guess.
#10. Freedom looks so good to you that you don’t want to sacrifice it to be in love with someone else. You want to be wherever you desire to be without having to explain to someone why you wish to be where you want to be. You don’t want to make decisions whiles considering how the other person will feel. The wild horse adventure thrills you and you see relationship as a way to be tamed. You don’t want to be tamed. You want to be free. To be single is to be free.
#11. You are available. God knows you are so available and ready to be in love and be in a committed relationship but..no proposals. You are only single because you haven’t had love proposals coming your way for a while now. You are going to be alone this Val’s day because people are just blind to see you are available for their love proposals. If only the right guy came along and looked deep into your eyes and asked; “would you be my girlfriend?” Then you would have gleefully said yes! But….
#12. You don’t want to have sex just yet but people coming your way come with amorous intentions. It’s difficult finding the one who will just be in a relationship with you without thinking about having sex until you finally marry. You are single today because it has been had for you to find a relationship that will require no sex until the big day when you both will exchange the sacred vows.
#13. Being single can’t give you a broken heart. People you love will leave you. Your heart will weep. Someone you’ve stayed with for a very long time will one day decide to pull the plug. You’ll be shattered. Someone you saw your future with, someone you imagined having your kids with, someone you looked at and saw true love will one day fall for another person and leave you in the cold. Whiles your heart breaks, they’ll be in a new loving relationship and enjoying it. What if you don’t fall in love with anyone? Will your heart break still?
Author: Nesta Jojoe Erskine
E-mail: nesta.erskine@icloud.com
A blogger, speaker and social media enthusiast.
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